Author: Eric Lebersfeld

Once upon a time, there were ten monkeys who were all very good friends.

One afternoon, they decided to go to the movies.

When they got to the theater, the man selling the tickets told them that there were only 9 tickets left.

The monkeys bought the 9 tickets and walked to the side of the theater to figure out what to do.

“I know,” said one monkey. “Let’s have a running race and whoever is slowest won’t get to go to the movies.” And with that they all ran around the theater.

The monkey who came in last said, “That’s not fair. I’m not very fast, but I can count fast. The last one to count up to one hundred won’t get to go to the movies.” And they all started to count

as fast as they could.

The monkey who was the last one to say “one hundred” said, “that’s not fair. I can’t count so fast, but I can scream real loud. The one who screams the softest won’t get to go to the movies.” And with that they all began to scream.

The monkey who couldn’t scream very loud said, “that’s not fair. I can’t scream real loud, but I can jump real high. Whoever jumps the lowest won’t be able to go to the movies.” And with that they all started jumping.

The monkey who jumped the highest said, “Hey, wait a minute. I’m good at jumping, but you’re good at screaming and you’re good at counting and you’re good at running. We are all good at

some things and not so good at other things. But one thing we are all good at is being good friends. I say, if we can’t all see the movie, then none of us can see the movie.

And they all quickly agreed.

They were about to leave and go home, when the man who sold them the tickets came running up to them.

He said, “monkeys, you are very wise and you have impressed me very much. You realized that you are all special in your own way. That is a great thing to learn. I want you to have my ticket. I already saw this movie. Have a great time!”

The monkeys thanked the man very much.

Then they walked arm in arm and tail in tail into the theater where they had the most wonderful time.

The End.

Once upon a time there was a little boy named Felix.  Felix appeared to be a typical 10 year old boy, but he wasn’t.  He had some special secrets that only a few people knew.  Felix wasn’t actually a boy at all.  He was a….

Zoontrapanoid.  And not just any Zoontrapanoid, he was the son of the holy Bogwanoosh!  Zoontrap existed in the middle world between this time and the very next second.  Only the 1st born males in Bogwanoosh family had the ability to time travel back the billionth of second to be seen by people in this world.  (FYI – Dogs can always see Zoontrapanoids.  When you see a dog barking at nothing, it’s probably barking at a Zoontrapanoid doing something silly).  Anyhoo, Felix lived in this world and the regular Zoontrap world. Zoontrapanoids looked a lot like humans, but had a few distinct differences.  First off, they have SIX extra enormous…

Eyes!  Three on their chest and three on their back.  No one ever saw them because in our time, Zoontrapanoids, including Felix, never took their shirt off.  Their six special eyes could still see however.  They had several special features. They, of course, had x-ray vision to see through the shirt and through walls up to 1 foot thick.  They also had “emotional” vision.  Emotional vision is the ability to “see” how someone was feeling.  If a person was angry, Felix would see that person glowing a deep hot red.  If they were happy, they would glow a bright yellow. If they were sad, they would glow dark blue almost black.  For every emotion there was a different color.  This kind of vision came in very handy since people didn’t always say what they meant or say how they felt.  Never was this more true than when Felix’s math teacher, Mr. Oxbutt, told Felix to stay after school one day.  Mr. Oxbutt was a short bald sort of mean kind of teacher.  He hardly ever said anything nice and he always wore the same white shirt and same bowtie every day.  It was red bowtie with black polka dots.  He had very little imagination.  Mr. Oxbutt didn’t like Felix.  Felix was very smart and always…

corrected Mr. Oxbutt’s mistakes.  Last month, Mr. Oxbutt had told the class that the prime numbers (which everyone knows are the numbers that can only be divided evenly by themselves and the number one) from 80 – 90 were 81, 83, and 89.  Felix raised his hand and said, “Uh, Mr. Oxbutt, isn’t 81 divisible by 3?”  Mr. Oxbutt said, “Of course not, you know the rule of being divisible by three means if you add up the digits in the number they will be a number divisible by three.  8 + 1 is 9 and that’s not divisible by…” And he stopped talking for a few seconds and then said, “Well well well, isn’t Felix the smart one.”  Mr. Oxbutt didn’t like to be proven wrong.  Since that day Mr. Oxbutt had it out for Felix.  Anyhoo, today Mr. Oxbutt asked Felix to stay after school and when it was just Mr. Oxbutt and Felix in the classroom, Mr. Oxbutt said to Felix…

“I’d like you to enter this year’s Science Fair.”  The special three eyes on Felix’s chest saw Mr. Oxbutt was glowing a sickening light brown color.  The kind of color that three day old oatmeal looks like if it was forgotton about in a wooden bowl with flies buzzing around it.  This meant Mr. Oxbutt was plotting.  Plotting means he had a scheme to make trouble for someone.  He went on to say, “You’re a clever boy and we all like you…” when he said “we all like you” Mr. Oxbutt flashed a bright violet which meant he as lying, but he went back to oatmeal as he continued “if you won you would represent the school in the state championship!  I would like to help you with your entry, I think you should make a ….”

“…Baking Soda Volcano.  It’s always a crowd pleaser and no one has made one in two years.  The last one to make one was Sophie Rogers and she won!  Great idea, right?”   Felix did not answer right away.  He took a moment and thought to himself, “I do want to enter the science fair, but I know Mr. Oxbutt is plotting something.  If I win the science fair, maybe Abigail Fairface will be impressed.” Abigail was a girl in Felix’s class who Felix has always liked but never had the nerve to speak to.  She was a small girl with dark beautiful skin, her laugh sounded like music to Felix and she wasn’t afraid of anything.  She was never mean to Felix, but she was never overly friendly either.  Anytime she came near to him, he would find a reason to go somewhere else.  Even though when he looked at her with his special eyes (usually with his three eyes on his back because he was afraid to face her in just  in case she made a face that showed she didn’t like him) he only saw light blue and soft peach which meant she was feeling friendly and peaceful.  So, if he won the science fair, he would be so proud and maybe Agigail would even…

Come and congratulate him on his victory.  So Felix said to Mr. Oxbutt, “Sure, great idea.  I’ll do it.”  “Terrific,” said Mr. Oxbutt, “I’ll go get you all you need.”  And with that he went to the closet in the back of the room that had all the art supplies in it.  Felix liked that closet.  It smelled like chalk and paper and clay.  It had a whole bin of pipe cleaners and another bin Styrofoam balls.  Today, Mr. Oxbutt pulled out a big box.  It had chicken wire, clay, a bunch of bottles and tubes and a box of baking soda.  “You’ll have to look up how to make it online, but this should be most of what you need.”  Mr. Oxbutt was still glowing in the pale menacing plotting light brown.   “Take good care while making it and I’m sure you’ll be a big hit.”  Felix said, “Thank you Mr. Oxbutt, I’ll do my best.  But can I ask you one question?”  “Sure,” said Mr. Oxbutt, “what would you like to know.”  Felix swallowed hard, got up his nerve and asked…

“How come you have all the things together to make this already, and won’t this be unfair to the other students in the fair?”  “Oh no,” said Mr. Oxbutt, “Other teachers have helped other students get started.  You still have to make the thing, and that’s the hard part.  I had put this box together some time ago just waiting to find the right student to give it to.  Good luck Felix.”  Felix took the box of supplies and left the room.  He was sure that he was getting himself into something that he may regret, but the thought of Abigail made him continue on his way to doing the science fair project.  Maybe Mr. Oxbutt wasn’t so bad after all.  Maybe his special eyes were deceiving him. Maybe Mr. Oxbutt had turned over a new leaf and wasn’t plotting to get Felix in trouble, but was plotting something else entirely that didn’t even involve Felix.  That could happen you know.  Many a Zoontrapanoid have been led astray by misinterpreting the color of person was directed against them, but they just happen to be having a stray thought and turned an unfortunate color.  One time Felix hid in a closet for two days because their cleaning lady, Mrs. Boroxo, was glowing Jet Black.  This meant she was bent on murder.  And she did want to commit murder.  She wanted to kill…

Ants.  As it turned out, the kitchen pantry had been infested with ants.  She was obsessed with thoughts of killing, but what she was trying to kill were the ants.  She wanted the ants dead so much, all Felix could see was her black aura.  He should have asked her if she was ok, but he was only 6 at the time.  So remembering that, Felix thought maybe he was misreading Mr. Oxbutt.  Felix took the box and went home to begin his construction project.  He took at all the ingredients one at a time and was a little surprised when he pull out the …

Box of baking soda.  It was opened already and was taped shut.  That was odd since it was a full box.  Why was it opened?”, he wondered for a moment, but then forgot about it.  He went to his computer and googled, “baking soda volcano.”  The search engine spit out about 1,222,535 replies.  He picked the third one since it was titled clearly, “how to make a baking soda volcano for a school project.”  He clicked the link and it brought up a list of ingredients and step by step instructions.  He needed:

6 cups flour

2 cups salt

4 tablespoons cooking oil

warm water

plastic soda bottle

dishwashing detergent

food coloring

vinegar

baking dish or other pan

2 T baking soda

Luckily, he had everything he needed.  His mom, the Great Bogwanooshema (wife of the Great Bogwanoosh) came in to the kitchen and asked what he was doing.  He explained about the science fair with great animation.  He was getting excited.  His mother, her Earthling name was Betty, but her Zoontrap name was Flipflapflip.  (When said properly in Zoontrap, her name sounded a bit like a big pancake slapping an old lady with no teeth in the face.)  His mom surprised him by saying, “Is that baking soda? I need some for the cookies I’m baking and I’m completely out.  You could save me a trip to the store, can I borrow some?”  Felix looked at his ingredient list, he needed 2 T of baking soda.  How much was a “T”?  He asked his mother.  She explained, “In recipes, a big “T” means tablespoon and a little “t” means teaspoon.  You need 2 Tablespoons of baking soda.”  Felix had a whole box, and his mom only needed 4 t (or four teaspoons) of baking soda, so he said, “help yourself!”  His mom took the box of baking soda and said, “Oh, you opened the box already for me, that’s sweet.”  She got out her table spoon measurer stuck it in the box and pulled out a level scoop and stopped.  She looked closely at the baking soda because it didn’t look quite right.  She frowned and said…

“There seems to be a haze about the baking soda I don’t like.”  Female Zoontraps have a few special powers that male zoontraps don’t.  They can see the auras of objects as well as people.  Baking soda should appear pure white, but this baking soda was glowing a soft light brown… the same light brown of “plotting.”  “This is odd,” said Flipflapflip, “Why am I getting a sense of foreboding when looking at this baking soda?  Where did you get it?”  “Mr. Oxbutt, my teacher,” said Felix.  “Well, something is wrong here and we have to get to the bottom of this.”  Flipflapflip took the baking soda put it in a glass bowl and asked Felix, “How do you make a baking soda volcano?”  Felix consulted his computer again showed her the steps:

1.        First make the ‘cone’ of the baking soda volcano. Mix 6 cups flour, 2 cups salt, 4 tablespoons cooking oil, and 2 cups of water. The resulting mixture should be smooth and firm (more water may be added if needed).

2.        Stand the soda bottle in the baking pan and mold the dough around it into a volcano shape. Don’t cover the hole or drop dough into it.

3.        Fill the bottle most of the way full with warm water and a bit of red food color

4.        Add 6 drops of detergent to the bottle contents.

5.        Add 2 tablespoons baking soda to the liquid.

6.        Slowly pour vinegar into the bottle. Watch out – eruption time!

7.        Chemistry is Cool 🙂

Flipflapflip said, “Well, if there is something wrong with this baking soda, we’re going to find out right now.  Felix, bring me some liquid detergent and some vinegar.”  Felix brought her the two ingredients and they went to the sink.  Carefully his mother added a few drops of the detergent to the baking soda she had in her bowl.  Nothing happened.  She then added a little vinegar to the bowl and also nothing happened at first.  But then without any warning they were both shocked when…

The ingredients in the bowl started to move.  The baking soda started to sizzle, the vinegar started to smoke and the soap began to bubble.  OK, maybe this was probably supposed to happen, but instead of making a kind of lava, the gooey mixture exploded with a fury!  BOOOOOOM! In a flash the bowl emptied its contents and both Felix and his mom were covered in a slimy mixture of soap and vinegar and baking soda.  That was definitely NOT supposed to happen.  There was something definitely wrong with that baking soda.  Felix knew instantly that Mr. Oxbutt must have tampered with the baking soda.  That was why the box was opened and that is why his mom saw something weird glowing off it.  Mr. Oxbutt had put something extra in the baking soda that when Felix wanted to show his volcano at the science fair, it would explode and he would be terribly embarrassed.  This was incredibly mean thing to do!  Felix was first shocked, then he was sad, then he was mad.  He stuck with being mad.  Felix’s mom was even madder.  A mother is never happier than her least happy child.  And a mother is never more dangerous than when she feels her children are in danger.  Mr. Oxbutt had fooled with the wrong mother and this wrong child.  Flipflapflip told Felix through gritted teeth and with goo dripping off her nose, “That Oxbutt character won’t know what hit him.  Let’s …

Figure out exactly what was in the baking soda how to turn the tables on this bad bad man.  Let’s go to the basement.”  The basement of Fooshie home (“Fooshie” is Felix’s last name if I haven’t told you before – Felix Fooshie was not the easiest name to be stuck with, but Felix was OK with it) was unlike any other basement you’ve ever seen.  Sure, there were old toys and games, and a few pieces of furniture and a ping pong table, but there were also some rooms that unless you were a Zoontrap you couldn’t see.  Where an earthling would see a wall, Zoontraps see that it was a door to a secret area.  By touching the door in a certain place and speaking the words, “Frappa Frappa Poosh” the door opens and Zoontraps can pass through.  If a human was watching them, it would like the Zoontraps were ghosts and they just walked through the wall.  But they’re not ghosts. They just passed through a secret Zoontrap door (it’s a Zoon – trap door, get it?)  into the part of their house called the Zoon Room.  In the Zoon Room were various areas that humans would never understand, but there was one corner that would look familiar.  It was a laboratory.  Flipflapflip and Felix walked into the Zoon Room and right over to the Zoonlab.  It was the particle analyzer machine that they needed now.  Flipflapflip took the box of baking soda and poured a bit into a beaker.  She then put the beaker into the particle analyzer and closed the lid.  She pushed the start button and the machine began to hum and whirl.  After about twenty seconds it stopped and made a Ding sound like the noise a toaster would make.  Felix said reflexively  “I heard a ding!”  Felix had the habit of saying that same thing every time the toaster dinged in the kitchen.  His mom said, “Yes, but it’s not for chicken nuggets this time.”  She looked at the display on the top of the analyzer which showed the results of the analysis.  Her eyes widened in shock as she learned to her astonishment that the baking soda she just analyzed contained more than just baking soda, it also contained….

Gunpowder.  How ridiculously stupid a man must Mr. Oxbutt be to have done such a thing.  Well, Felix and Flipflapflip weren’t going to let him get away with this.  Felix said to his mom, “I have an idea, but I’m going to need Dad’s help.”  And with that he explained his idea to his mother.  While he was talking about it, his mother started smiling and nodding her head.  When he was done explaining what he wanted to do, his mother said, “you know that punishment might just fit the crime.  Let’s go see your father.”

The trip forward the billionth of a second into the Zoontrap world doesn’t take a long time, but it does take a bit of concentration.  Felix and his mother knew the drill well.  They closed their eyes, (all eight of them) and focused their energy inward.  Their six special eyes actually spun completely around in their sockets and all looked at a point inside their body that about where the human heart is, this was the center spot of Zoontraps and the source of all their power, it is called the Core.  When all eyes were aligned and concentrating on their Core, they would think one word special word.  One word, that was all powerful and strong enough to transport a being through the time space continuum.  One word that actually fused two worlds and let one step into a new existence.  And that incredible word was…

“Bloop.”  Bloop was one of the few words that was both a Zoontrap word and a human word.  But when in Zoontrapanoid was in alignment and thought the word “Bloop” they were brought the incredibly tiny fraction of a second forward in time (and space) into the Zoontrap plane of existence.  Zoontraps on Earth still saw the world around them like humans do, but that world seems a bit dimmer than before, but the when in the Zoontrap time, things appear that were not there before.  Felix and his mother opened their eyes and knew they were in Zoontrap time.  Flipflapflip opened up her new iPhoneBleen.  (This looked like an iPhone, but used the special Bleen frequency that Zoontrap communication devices preferred.  The iPhoneBleen opened up a holographic room where you could step into and then the person you are calling steps into their iPhoneBleen holographic room and it seemed as if you were in the same room.  Cool stuff!  Flipflapflip spoke to her iPhoneBleen “Connect Bagwonoosh Priority Zork!”  In two seconds, Felix’s dad appeared in front of them.  Although we was thousands of miles away setting up a colony in Amsterdam, Holland, we looked as if he were in the same room.  “Priority Zork?!” he screamed, “What is the emergency??”  He stopped screaming when he looked at his wife and son still covered in goo and with blood lust in their eyes (meaning it looked like they wanted to kill someone).  “Wh-what happened??”

Flipflapflip told him the tale.  The great Bagwanoosh, also known as Poptobismar and Catopolopsy and interestingly enough, Frankie Beans, turned a pale purple as he also got very very angry.  “Well, you know I don’t like to interfere with the Earthlings, but what are you going to do?  I assume you have a plan?”  Felix told his dad his idea and what he needed.  His dad frowned.  He said, “Felix, you know that the pooptalator is not to be used lightly.”  Felix pointed as his mother face still covered in goo, and said, “Does this look like a woman who should be taking things lightly??”  Frankie Bean, aka Felix’s dad, nodded thoughtfully and said, “OK, you can use the pooptalator one time.  And one time only.”  “Thanks Dad!” Felix said.  Zoontraps don’t hug to show affection, the lock eyes.  This can be done front to back of back to back or front to front.  Boys to Men usually lock eyes front to front, and this is what father and son did now.  It only took a few seconds, but the three eyes on Felix’s chest and the three eyes on the Great Bagwanoosh’s check found each other.  Each of the three eyes found one of the three eyes on the others body and locked on to it like a staring contest. They then blinked a series of blinks that starting in one eye and switched to the next eye and switched to the next eye and then the first eye blinked again and this went on in a series of 200 blinks in rapid succession.  And I mean rapid.  It only took about 4 seconds to blink 200 times.  But in those four seconds, father and son shared a few moments of total love.  They locked eyes with one another and saw each other and let the other see them.  For Zoontraps, it was the closest thing to a big hug and a kiss and Felix had not done that with his dad in a long time.  Flipflapflip smiled at her husband and son knowing it was a special moment.  Frankie Beans was trusting his son with a powerful weapon and his son was accepting this trust with maturity and love.  When the goodbyes were done and the things Felix needed were being transported to the Zoonlab transporter portal, the Hologram room was shut down.  Felix and Flipflapflip got to work.  After a short while, they were done.  They said the special word to go back the billionth of a second back to human time, “Bolla,” and they were ready to go.  All they needed to do was wait for the big day of the Science Fair to come around and that was going to be…

Soon!  Two weeks away.  At school, Felix saw Mr. Oxbutt everyday and every day Mr. Oxbutt continued to glow his sickening yellow brown.  Felix did not let on that he knew that Mr. Oxbutt was not a nice man.  He played dumb and bided his time.  And soon enough the day of the science fair was upon them.  Felix was ready.  He had spent his time and energy wisely he hoped.  He set up all his things at the table that was assigned to him.  The judges came around and told him to set up his project and they would be around soon to see it.  Felix had the volcano all put together and was just waiting for the judges to come back and we would start his show.  As he was waiting, Mr. Oxbutt showed up.  “So Felix, are you all set to impress the judges?  I’m sure it will be a great volcano, a very controlled experiment I’m sure.”  He said this with a glint of malice in his cold soupy eyes.  His polka dot bow tie looking even more annoying than usual.  But Felix just smiled and said he was ready.  Mr. Oxbutt said, “Well, good luck, I’ll be watching.”  I bet you will Felix said, I bet you will, but you won’t be watching out well enough!  Mr. Oxbutt didn’t know that…

Felix had a special plan in place, but Mr. Oxbutt would surely know it soon.  The judges slowly made their way around the big gymnasium. There were the usual assortment of science projects, solar powered dog washers, tomato plants growing out of coconuts, potato clocks, toothpaste tube squeezers, milk carton paper airplanes, and a bunch of others.  Some good, some not so good.

Flipflapflip and Felix exchanged glances and small nods as Felix was about to pour in the vinegar.  Mr. Oxbutt, took a small step back as most of the judges took small steps closer.  There were small beads of sweat coming out of Mr. Oxbutt’s forehead in anticipation of the coming explosion.  Mr. Oxbutt thought there was going to be a localized goo fountain blow out, or a “goosplosion,”  but he did not know about the small steps Felix added to the creation of the Baking Soda Volcano.  He didn’t know about the one time use of the Pooptalator.  He didn’t know that at that very second he was waiting for Felix to be embarrassed, he was actually standing at ground zero for the most incredible thing anyone in the gym had ever seen.

Felix told the judges to please stand back.  They smiled condescendingly, but obliged the boy.  Felix poured in the baking soda and then….. nothing happened.  But then…. BOOOOOOM.  Not a “goosplosion” at all, but an unbelievable tall fountain of something brown and something stinky flew out of the volcano like a rocket.  It flew straight up in a long thin line and almost touched the top of the gymnasium.  It then hung there for a moment and then…###

started down.  But not straight down, it actually started a path right toward a certain bow-tie.  A polka dot bow tie.  Mr. Oxbutt watched in horror as the fountain of brown stinky lava shot straight towards him.  It hit his face with a sickening splunk.  Felix had used the one time use Pooptalator and programmed the lava (once it turned into poo – that’s what a Pooptalator does of course) to focus like a laser beam onto polka dotted bow ties.  The whole batch of lava-poo (sounds like a kind of new fangled dog – combination of a Lavandale and a Poodle – if there was a dog called a Lavandale, which there isn’t by the way) started on Mr. Oxbutt’s head and then coated his whole body.  He looked like a chocolate covered banana with a bow tie.  But he smelled like a backed up toilet with brown trout swimming.  Yikes!  The judges screamed, the kids and parents screamed, Mr. Oxbutt screamed.  Felix smiled a small smile.  “Awesome,” he said in a quiet voice.  Mr. Oxbutt screamed and screamed and finally said, “What happened?? I put gunpowder in the baking soda and it was supposed to explode on that rotton know it all kid!  Not me!”  “What?????” the judges all said in unison.  Mr. Oxbutt knew he was in trouble and slammed his hand over his mouth, but he couldn’t make the words go back in.  He just shook his head back and forth in shock and disbelief.  He was mumbling something like “can’t be, can’t be, oh, oh, I smell bad,” and then ran out of the gym leaving a smelly brown trail like a really big snail that had really bad diarrhea.

The judges proclaimed that Felix was the winner since his project was the most original and impressive and he had to overcome such difficult obstacles.  Mr. Oxbutt got fired for tampering with the contest and could no longer work as a teacher.  (In fact, he never did smell quite right after that day and the only place he could get a job was at the city dump where he blended in with all the garbage smells.) Flipflapflip was as proud as a mother could be.  Abagail Fairface was so awed by Felix’s project and how he handled himself she asked him to the school dance this weekend.  Felix said “yes” of course.  All in all, Felix concluded, it was a great day here on planet Earth.

The End